Not being able to just be there!

Cream of the crop - Julia and Laura

School has been really hard for me lately in terms of a lot of things. One thing that really effects my life here is just the want to be around like minded people and people who know you so well and who you know really well.

People who you can really talk to and really trust to be open and honest with you at all times. Living in an ex pat community that is VERY minute in comparison to the local population and filled with a VERY diverse bunch of people, it is really hard to actually form any kind of 'real' friendships (for lack of a better word).

It's not to say that I haven't tried, I am lucky, I know and have some great friends here in Wuxi, people who I like going out to dinner with, dancing with, and even doing small mundane things like grocery shopping with. However none of these people are people that I would tell everything too or could talk to them about everything and it is probably vice versa.

I find I call, a lot, not all, but a lot, of these friendships - 'friendships of convenience'. Even I hate this, I really don't want to have friendships like this but I think I have to realise that while travelling, I will meet amazing people like I have here, but not all of them will become people that I will know or have anything to do with after this experience.

Maybe, it is just the clientele as such, that smaller Chinese cities attract? Maybe the people who come here are all similar in their ways and are just not people who like to socialise with the likes of me - a loud, opinionated but friendly NZ girl!

Who knows?

All I know is that I really miss my friendships from home, people who even when I have been away for 6 months to a year, I come back and see and it's like I have never been gone! Real friends who I know I will be friends with for the rest of my life, who will be up front with me, who will talk to me about themselves and also ask about what has been going on with me. People not obsessed with all the details, already knowing them and the person I am.

At the moment somethings are going on with my 3 closest friends and all I want to do is be there for them. To know the details, how they are feeling and how all these things came about, but most importantly to listen to them and give them a great big hug. Sometimes being 'over the seas' really is difficult.

I really question my friendships here and horribly wonder if they are real.

I guess only time will tell.

I have to say a huge thank you to Julia, Laura, Kelly, Raihania and Noel - real friends for life! I love you guys lots and miss you everyday! Wish I could be there now but I'll be seeing you soon!

Arohanui,
Love Amy xo