So...

Dating, WAY back when

...I have found myself thinking a lot about dating recently and in particular the dating scene portrayed on television, in the media and the expectations of others on people. Almost like an expectation to perform. It seems to me like this is one of the most judgey things people well, judge you on.



Coming from New Zealand, I have found the dating scene not really so hot. I mean to be honest my first 'real' date wasn't until I was out of high school, working full time, knew the guy for a few months and then went on a date and 'ta da',four, nearly five years later we split! I mean sure, I had a few 'boyfriends' that we dated, went on dates but that was after we had started out as a couple, you kind of just always fell into that trap of the relationship before the date, or the hmmm, how do I put this nicely...the casual (which usually involves no or limited dates) that either develops or stops short as soon as one likes the other more or things become less convenient.



Recently, I have found myself actually scoping out the guys around me, a feat that has taken me some time to actually get to. Seriously, I can't really remember the last time I really had fun scoping out the talent and looking at the dating pool around me. In all honesty David was the last person that I really checked out and I was so lucky with that one. After that, it really signalled the end until now. Don't get me wrong, it was not David that ended it all for me but when he left, that was the turn over in China and where everything went a bit (A LOT) downhill and where my decent into numbness began.



Friends have pointed out guys, I have even dated guys since then but that has been via fluke. Take Emil for example - was out at an opening in Wuxi, he was there with a mutual acquaintance, I was seated next to him, so we kinda had to talk, asked for my number, gave me his, asked me out for dinner, I made excuses a few times (my confidence was knocked down there in the pits of Wuxi), finally gave in and 'ta da' second real date ever. Aside from these small blips on the radar my own radar has been completely switched off.



And by switched off, I mean, well and truly broken and tossed out to sea. Even after the end of my long term relationship - my one and only to date - my radar never seemed to be quite switched on full.


In the last 2 weeks something has changed and I have been finally able to really take in my surroundings - and by surroundings I mean the delicious and delightful sea of opportunities around me. HOWEVER - confidence is key and that is something that I lack a lot of in that department.



Apparently while I have been in a so called 'absent state' from the dating pool, expectations have arisen. People expect you to be out and get hit on, if not, then they need to find you someone to make you feel good, if you haven't been with someone in the last two weeks, it's a tragedy and 'oh no' you must really feeling that pain, and god forbid - you haven't seen any 'action' in a few months that is the worst thing that could happen! When did the world's perception become this way, why does it matter and really, are we truly defined as individuals by the amount of people we date, sleep with in a certain amount of time or attract in one night?



Maybe people will argue that this is coming from a person with limited experience, maybe a bitter outlook or just plainly someone that really isn't that appealing to the opposite sex. But all I want to know is does any of this seriously matter?


So my question is this:

'Does dating really exist and if so, does it exist for all or just for the worlds elite, or is it that for the most part we all just end up falling into some relationship through convenient methods?


What I am really asking is 'Are we people who like to take risks or just play it safe?



I'm not sure that I like my answer.



Arohanui,

Love Amy xo